Tuesday, 7 June 2011

New Beginnings...

I have plans...

Great big plans!!!

New writing.
New original songs.
New poems.
and basically a whole NEW ME!!!

Sit tight because I'm back, and I'll be blogging about my return like crraaazzzyy

Donna D x

Tuesday, 2 June 2009

Mami-Miss Kita - father&son... Romeo Jr. dedication song for his father

What Did This Picture Mean?
I mean at the time of this picture being taken
What did it mean?
Were they happy?
Did they know this picture would later
be held in the hands
of that precious girl in her ball gown
Did they know she'd later be crying
asking the lord,
why they took her daddy away from them?

It's been around us since life began. Things are born, things die...

That's the pattern we all live by...there is no escaping it. Ben Franklin once said "but in the world nothing can be said to be certain except death and taxes.".

Yet unlike the comfort of the warmth of your grandfathers strong hands...nothing can really prepare us for death. At the end of the horizon lies the ongoing stretch of land...further and further it goes...have you reached the end of the world yet? or do you only experience such a thing when you are on the edge of death...

Death knocks us of breath...especially if you're told it at such a random moment, a moment when you are completely elated...you feel like your day has gone beautifully. Death...the word simply feels like a taboo...we all ignore "global warming warnings", we all ignore "gang wars" but then BAAMM....it hits close to home and you're left wondering exactly how much do you need to pay attention now?

When i was a little girl, my mom took myself and my sisters to church every Sunday (Iglesia ni Cristo)...i use to love dipping my finger on the holy water and doing the cross sign...i prayed every night because my Tita Baby (Auntie Maribel) told me i needed to thank god for all the things in my life, those i valued...the health of my family and how lucky i was. She said it was all thanks to the big man "up above". A little girl in such a religious world i believed no other belief...I have to say living in the Philippines, i lived a privileged sheltered life, my dad was abroad, my mom did her thing, i had my best friend (Ruth my sister) and my wonderful cousins...I never really got to see the proper horror of the world outside the gates of our house, or beyond the fields of Pangasinan (where my grandparents lived)... Moving to England changed me as a person, the society was different, the people were different...their beliefs challenged mine...it was the first time I had to think for myself.

Sometime between 2005 and 2006 my uncle Romeo Matabang's (rip) wife Jovet Valencia (rip) died of a heart attack, leaving behind 5 children (Lea, Maya, Romeo Jr., Raquel, Eunice)...her death shattered the hearts of many, she was an amazingly hard working beautiful woman, who loved her children so much. I had last seen her in 2004 when we visited with my mom. The news broke my uncles heart...he couldn't support his children by himself.

My uncle Romeo, had been ill almost all his life with Tuberculosis...he'd been at the point of death 3 times, and each time he fought it...he got stronger...he survived...upon our return to the Philippines in 2007, he was living with a woman named Glory, who had a son nick named (Kokey), that little boy really lit my life, with his infectious smile and strange attitude. He spoke a different dialect to me so we never understood each other but running around in a field chasing frogs never really needed words. I also got close to my best friend and cousin Romeo Valencia Matabang Jr. He suffered a lot from his mothers death. A bright boy who let his violent side take over. It would be a lie to say he wasn't vengeful...he takes everything in, he hides his feelings...and then he breaks out...we connected, and i helped him whilst he helped me. We rescued each other. Romeo or as we call him Anjong wrote into a note book as long letter to me. In it he wrote of how much he resented his dad for having a new woman in his life, however he said he knew his dad suffered a lot in his moms death. He admitted not being able to understand his anger...and how he had regretted letting his mom work herself saying "that was what killed her..." He said his dad was .... however he still loved him...what Anjong never realised his hard head came from his dad...

June 1st 2009...sitting in the car on the way home from school my dad spoke "I have some bad news..." i turned to him and giggled silently, my dad has never been a serious guy, his version of bad news would be that my mom didn't cook dinner. He looked serious so i kept my face straight. I initially thought my two Labrador retrievers Collie and Misty had fought each other as lately they have been acting very angry towards each other. He paused...and i could tell from this he didn't know how to say...

"Your uncle Romeo has died"

that moment i felt faint...the car seemed to not be moving, and that's when i realised we'd been sitting in the drive way. My had held my shoulder...my first thought was..."Anjong..." he would not have taken the death well...then my mom...Romeo was my moms little baby brother, she loved him so much, she would do anything for him...I thought he had died of Tuberculosis but i knew he'd been clear and healthy...that's when my dad said...

"He was stabbed to death, a man started stabbing his friend so he tried to help and ended up getting stabbed...the man stabbed them a few times...then realised what he'd done, that is when he decided to kill them..."

The pain, the excruciating pain...going into the kitchen the room was sombre, my mom was chopping up onions and as i entered she looked up at me with puffy eyes, she let out a small groan as if in pain and held her arms out, we both embraced as she cried, she sounded in pain...the tears flowed from there...he was dead...

And all i could really think was...if god existed he'd not have let this happen, he wouldn't take both parents of 5 children...when they have barely gotten over their mothers death their father is taken away so violently...i felt sorrow for my ill grandfather (Lolo) who has lived through 4 deaths of his children.

How do you tell a child they'll never see their dad again? How do you tell his partner that her unborn child will never meet its dad because yes...Glory his partner is pregnant...and Kokey...how do you explain to a little boy barely old enough to understand that the only decent man in his life wont be back...

The outcome of a death in such a tight knit family? I've yet to see the biggest impact...being in England 16 hours away from everyone i don't fully understand how everyone is coping. I haven't slept...i sit by the phone waiting...i don't know for what. I can feel the strain...

But there's comfort in knowing that my faith has little returned...if i didn't believe in heaven then I'll go crazy, because Tito Romeo, needs to go somewhere where life is good to him...where he can see his true love, where he can wait...for the rest of the Matabang clan to join him.

Tito we'll see you...

we miss you...love you...You'll never be forgotten...



In Heaven He Waits

In Heaven He Waits
The way he smiled, the way he held
his poster high, in life that dealt
the pain subsides the tears may dry
but that doesnt stop your heart from cryin'
and everynight we lay to sleep
with heavy hearts that cannot keep
the strain from loss for deepening
inside my head is still screaming
where were they when he lay lay bleeding
where were they when he lay cold
the justice is cruel
fate treats us like fools
Without a single sad goodbye
without the fear leaving his eyes
did you see him that day he died?
he didnt even say goodnight
and regret passes through our heads
did we ever say our last?
did we kiss him and did he know
he would go so fast?
little girls and little boys
play with angels play with toys
bigger men play with knives
those that hurt, and take away lives
though we keep our fears inside
try to stay strong keep his spirit alive
we cannot let our feelings die
together we keep Matabang pride
He lives in us
though pain is still
keeping us
within our will
that fateful day he was taken away
will live in our hearts till our dieing day
and that man will walk free
with all of his sins
tell me how is that fair?
how come he wins?
left one man down
left children without their father
tell me now...
where is their happily ever after?
Is he at rest?
so that i may finally keep
my tears inside, my feelings hidden
let me finally go to sleep...
tell me he is at peace
without vengence in his grave
tell me he is loved by them above
maybe then the pain will erase...
He'll be with the angels
his wife jovit
he'll smile and dance
everything of best wishes
He'll be okay,
we'll see him one day...
but till then
in heaven he waits.
Tito Romeo Matabang
Died: June 1st 2009.
A fateful, un reasonable death.
We all miss you.
But now in heaven you can sleep.
With your wife...your childrens mother...our aunty...you may be rejoined.
Till we see you again Tito.

Wednesday, 20 May 2009

Generation: Debate

soo...in a late night phone call, and on thinking of ideas to come up with for a blog, i figured the little people have so "little" chances of giving out what they really think, and those chances we get we almost always make a fool of ourselves.

As a young person of today i have soo much that i think about, so much i wish i could stand up and say. Just because its almost impossible to make my inner beliefs a global thought doesn't mean that i cant try...

So lets begin.

Today's topic: IMMIGRATION
The lack of support and the uproar over UNLIMITED IMMIGRATION in Britain astounds me. It's crazy to think so many people are SO against something that is perhaps the greatest way to culturally mix. What happened to ethnic equality? to equal rights? Britain claim to be strong and welcoming, humble people. But the way they are shutting out the thoughts of Immigration is completely absurd. Immigration does not have to be a bad thing. It's just the outlook people have which is wrong. HELLO? Welcome to the next generation, where we're suppose to look at the future not judge people by their place of birth. We're all entitled to live as long as we are giving something back to our country.
Dr.George Carey the FORMER Archbishop of Canterbury claims/warns that with unlimited Immigration comes violence in our streets.
So by that does he mean that without immigration...our streets will be free from child molesters, murderers and thieves? Is he really saying that immigrants are the cause of the deaths, cause of the club brawls and drunks? He's a former Archbishop for a reason. His beliefs are outdated.
The arguments against immigration saying "the immigrants are taking all of our jobs" hey, if you've ever said that, WHY DONT YOU GET OFF YOUR ASS AND GET A JOB INSTEAD OF COMPLAINING?! That's a simple solution to your complaints. We're privileged to be given the opportunity to work alongside people of different races.
The prejudice about people who immigrate all come from 3rd world countries are insulting. What happened to those high trained doctors from Dubai? Or the college professors from Spain? Even the business men from Japan? Those who move here from their home countries.
It seems to me that them people in Parliament are so desperate to pass on laws and make promises that they're forgetting the people who need help the most. Immigration help our economy, it's not like these people live on benefits. They're taking jobs that NO ONE ELSE wants, you cant blame them for wanting a better life.
We're all immigrants. I mean us English, we complain a lot about other people coming into our country to live, but what about the people of our nationality going to other countries to live? David and Victoria Beckham? They don't technically work, they don't do anything useful for the country. When was the last time you say Mrs.B plant a tree, or feed the hungry? They're immigrants, immigrants to America. Yet no one complains. You see its easy to pass judgement on to other people...but its harder to take it when its being done to you.
What's your definition of immigrant? immigration? is it different to what everyone else says it is. Because it isn't bad to think differently, you just got to be careful who you hurt.
drop a line or a couple let us know what your voice wants to say.
//liveit,,loveit,,embracethemomentsthatmakeyousmile\\ ---withhersmile

Tuesday, 19 May 2009

Ken Lee- Bulgarian Idol

This Chick Is Bananas

Has EVERYONE seen this?

First of all this isn't to mock this very brave lady but really...very seriously, have you seen this? I've got to say she is a marvelous entertainer/comedian....because that was a joke right?

No, okay...she made me laugh, but truthfully I admire her bravery. She sang an american song, that she learnt on TV. Atleast she got some of those words correct! However to clarify everything...KEN LEE is not the name of the song, when translated into standard grammer(phrase learnt from Mr.Hawkins because to say "it isnt correct english" is as he says "politically incorrect") is called... Can't Leave however the song is really called... Without You

Now in defense of this lady whom brings us such wonderful joy...She doesn't know english, and to go on national tv to sing is incredible, especially since she didnt know what she was singing (she didn't right?)

It reminds me of the time I was going to sing "Peng Yu" for my singing grading, its a mandarin song, and i dont know mandarin...so i gave it my all but i finally gave in as it's a big big risk to take for a Grade 6... good memories.

Well...anyway, she may not be a fabulous singer, but she is funny...when i first watched this clip, i thought "wow this chicks got some talent, she's translated mariah careys song to bulgarian and shes giving it some guts!" but to my disappointment she wasnt and she actually thought she was singing english. Well...good on her, some of us really need a good laugh at ourselves anyways, and at the end of the day she's going to be having the last laugh...

After all, she's getting so much attention from that audition, i wouldnt be suprised if she gets a line up next to the cheeky girls, and chris crocker. Now they're fauxlebrities i'd like to see having their own comedy show...

maybe not...


//liveit,,loveit,,enjoyeverymomentthatmakesyousmile\\ ---withhersmile

Welcome to your future...kid.

Guidance Counsellors...

thats what they call themselves right?
The self righteous people who sit us down and expect us to know what our future entails and have it all planned out within a half hour meeting.

They ask you with such innocence it makes you want to break down, just because...well...because if its a loose loose situation.

1) if you know how to answer their fire questions, they'd then ask you what you'd do if all else failed.

2) if you dont know how to answer then they'd be shocked and tell you that the future begins as soon as you leave that room.

If they'd said that to me I'd have never left the room...

Guidance Counsellors...

How can anyone expect anyone to plan their future in such a short time, time changes, people change, hearts break and music taste refreshes, so really to have an ideal plan of the future can be difficult.

I have 3 things i want in the future though:
to be alive.
to have a career.
to have a family.

so bullet points would be a good idea to have.

So you sit on the mis leading comfy chairs in the counsellors office talking about life, the future and your goals.

Those questions like...
How will you get there?
What happens if you dont reach your destination?
Does it all really start once you walk out of the door?
...pass through your head...

You're looking for those answers, and in turn finding more questions.
When the actual fact is...the future has already started. It began the day you were born. And ends the day you die. However your future causes a chain reaction...it can carry other futures...yet you'll never know whose.

The things in life more frightening than the future seem unimportant because in that half hour youre sitting there youre racking your brain for anything...to hint how the future is going to be.

I fear the future, yet i embrace it too. How can you be scared of the possibility of such adventure? How can you fear the new...is it the possibility that life now is much better than tomorrow? or is because you're scared of the outside world, and the voice inside your head saying...


dont let destiny scare you away from your future...
dont let your future scare you away from what is meant to be.
//liveit,,loveit,,embracethemomentsthatmakeyousmile\\ --withhersmile